Tellin My Story

No one reads this blog but me so I gonna write this for me.

I love fall, I mean love it. But it does bring bad memories for me. Some Good too.

The good is a grew very close to a friend, had crazy times with her, good stories for life. Found out a little about myself.

The bad is I became one of those girls.

This happen almost 3 years ago and it now that I can almost talk about it.

I was raped.

I was hit.

I was choked.

I was throw against a wall.

I was slapped everywhere on my body.

I was burned.

I was made to believe that I was nothing.

I was made to believe that I deserved everything that was coming to me.

I was stupid, I kept going back to him because I loved him. I though every bruise was proof of my love for him. I believed that his anger was my problem. I believed I did everything wrong.

Everyone was having fun, so I should too, right? That was fun, I was told it was.

I remember once he was so pissed off that he threw me against the wall, I bang my head so hard, that I became to bleed, I didn't blackout, almost. Everyone heard it and just though we were having sex, and he said that how he does it, "hard sex" and I just nodding, trying not to past out.

I always said no. It pissed him off that I wasn't having sex with him daily. It pissed him off so bad, that one day, he just pick me up by my neck, threw me on the bed, putting my arms, behind my back, taking off my pants, covering my face with a pillow and having his way with me. It was the most painful thing, he ever did to me. He got off and kiss me on the forehead and said, " see, it wasn't that bad". He acting like nothing happen. I always said no.

After that, I was stupid and drank the drinks he gave me. So I don't remember the others time too well.

I wish I could, I smarted up and left him but no. He just moved, we never really broke up. And I hate to say but I did miss him for months, maybe years.

I should have know it was bad when his friend though it was ok to choke me because I took the TV remote. But I didn't.

I will never be over this but I am working threw it on my own time, I am past the hate but the hurt will always be there.

Trust issues with guys will always will there. Trust issues with Jesus will be there for a long time.

I will be a better person because of this, One day, I just know it.