Only a Dream.....

I not one to try to make sense of a dream but this one was so real, I woke up crying.

I cannot let it go.

Let me explain the dream.....

I don't know what happen before but all of the sudden I was laying on the floor about to check my voice mails on this old school answering machine, i mean old school.

It said I had 46 new messages and first one I listen to is from my birth mother. It was the first time she called me (she never called me in real life) and she was talking about how much she loved me and how much she wanted to be in my life and how she knew that I sometime call her and hung up.

I didn't get to finish it, the alarm went off but in the dream I was crying as I was listening to it and I woke up crying. It was so real.

I have no idea what this dream means.

It is something that I want to happen but man it was so real.

Do dreams really mean anything??

A Year-Long Effort.

Ones of my Goals, really the only one I kept, kinda, was to write my birth mother a letter every month. No questions asked, just telling her about my life.

It August and I haven't heard a thing back, I told myself and her if I didn't hear anything back by December, then I am done.

IT ALMOST DECEMBER!!!!!!

I want her and I don't know of any other way to tell her. I love her. She my blood, I never been able to say that about anybody. She gave me a chance at life. She will never be my mom, Sally is my mom and the best mom, but my birth mother, Lori, is sorta kinda my mom.

I mean how fucking hard is it to write a letter, or pick up the phone and even write an email. I mean how hard it that.

She slowing breaking my heart.

Ugly Betty

Ugly Betty is one of my favorite shows, no I don't stop everything to watch it, I usually watch it on dvds. I like because it funny, I mean really funny and because I like the charter of Betty. I like that she herself and doesn't care that much about what people think of her.

But here the thing,

Her name is UGLY BETTY and she has guys fighting over her. I know it a TV show and they write it that way to make it interesting. But come on, can I be like Betty, can I have at least one guy?

That all I want out of life, to be a wife and a mom. I keep asking God to let it happen, soon if possible. Yes, I am only 21 years old but that all I really want.

So yes, I want to be like Betty and have some guys, just one for be awesome.