Prone to Wander

I never had a strong faith, I still don't. Believe it or not, I still question if God if real or not. I am always 23 years old, shouldn't I have this figured out by now. I mean, I see his miracles in other people lives. I see him taking care of other people but I really feel like God forgot about me. Yes, I pray for certain things and I know he doesn't have to answer those things right away. But when I pray for those things for almost 3 years now and he doesn't give me anything, I feel forgotten.

I just want him to give me a reason for living. I just want him to show me my calling. I know there has, there has to be a purpose for my life. I feel worthless all the freaking time. I feel alone. I feel like there is no one behind me to catch if I fall.

I heard all my life, that God gives us our hearts desire but in his own timing. That can't be the answer for everything. It just can't be. I mean, if just seem like God likes seeing my hurting.

I just want a purpose.